Lingering Embers

{to E.D, thank you for the story}:

There you were again today. You asked me if I remembered you as if I come across someone like you that often.

When I moved here 3 months ago, something changed. I think growing up for me is stumbling around and finding myself chatting with strangers in coffee shops. Sometimes it’s just small talk but there are times when I come across people like you. Those who are burning bridges and looking for someone to share the warmth of loss with. I thought maybe my aura still lingers the embers from when I burned mine. But you shook your head and said honey attract bees.

Your story is one told one too many times. Desensitized. But it wasn’t black and white like how they are in the news. Clichés become clichés when they are real. But nothing is more real from the heartache in your wide eyes as you explained how you faced your friend’s interrogations. Why did your wife run off to New York?

But honestly… no one needed the answer, they already knew.

I’d like to think that the better part of the story is how you can now tell the tale without faltering. And how you learned that her change of heart wasn’t due to you. I nodded and smiled because I know what it’s like to be everything you think they want when all they wanted was freedom.

So I stood beside you, watched the ashes drift in the air and listened as the fire crackles. What you didn’t know was that there’s an argument in me. I don’t want to be the honey that attract bees. It’s too risqué, even for me.

I can’t help pocketing emotions for keepsake and let them combust. I might as well be wearing a suicide vest.

-Doris

Blasé

I ride around most nights

buses, trains

Figured I’ve got the time to spare.

And I act like I’ve seen it all

Challenging the glances of strangers.

So I sit there on my morals, night by night, hoping that they’ll get me by. I write about you with ink that bleeds hatred and then I crumple them up.

The city’s trash cans overflow with the things I want to argue with you about. But hey, you’ll never know because when the sun rise, I will still send you that morning text filled with love because it still feels wrong to give it to someone else.

I wonder why I am so afraid of losing you when you’ve already lost me.

-Doris

Confession

We ran at a neck-break speed, pretending we don’t see our half-buried secrets.

To the wind, whispers of urgency pleaded to blow the evidences into the Atlantic.

The begging persisted till the moon blindfolded us. All because we didn’t dare seeing ourselves when we aren’t adorned with the stars.

And we weep, self pitying but never reflecting.

It’s just for the night, it’s just for the night. we kept repeating, staying in the dark for all of our eternity. It didn’t take long before someone walked in and let the lights slice right through us.

-Doris

You don’t deserve my overthinking

I rained thunderstorms seeking the thrill of high tides while you lazily glow moonlight onto the quiet ebb and flow.

you reflected a kind of dimness that I can’t decipher. Left a silence that I don’t allow.

The emptiness threatened me to act nonchalant.

But inside, you cleverly beguiled me into a frenzy.

It didn’t take me long to catch on.

Sugar, you can’t fool me. I am not the bare skinned ones you chase. I know what I am worth.

-Doris

You

how dare you leave the petals behind

tripping me as i go through the day

smelling flowers that aren’t there

i’ll give you props for leaving bits of yourself

Here with me

Making me smile

Absentmindedly…

don’t know how many strangers on buses

Wonder who this silly girl is

Smiling to herself

But sweetheart, I can’t have

Your honey eyes, wine-like cheeks and sleepy grin occupying my mind. I have work to do.

You know I am the swoony type. I am at a disadvantage here.

-Doris

Captured

Cause you are the same,

Living a life through 35mm

For all you know,

The moment is just to the right of that lens flare.

you have me confused, sprinkling metallic silvers of grain.

said you are going for the look

But I found you lost in someone else’s mise en scène

Could be that I don’t get it all

How we tried to be clever but is still stuck in chichés

I increased my brightness and you are in a rush to intensify the contrast.

Babe, you are ruining my aesthetics.

-Doris