I still hear our laughters in my mind, the kind of laughter that escapes and spends the day on the merry-go-around. I still feel the emptiness in your frowns, the one I ‘awwed’ to and told you to turn it upside down. I still feel the warmth of your breath through the lines as I drift into a sleep with no troubling thoughts. I am an honest girl in a world that cheats. A goody-two-shoe that wanted to feel the thrill of not giving a care. I was merely a shy daredevil that meant no harm. I’m sorry you misunderstood.
And maybe that was my problem. I accidentally felt too much. Cared in an intensity stronger than the February wind. Stronger than how the slush of rain and snow hits my skin on my early morning walks.
But you had to have known that I was broken. I didn’t want to deserve you when I was searching for parts of myself. “you are all mine” you said, so I went looking for the pieces that I lost; I didn’t want to be a liar when I say “I am all yours”.
I kept going back. You caught me. But you didn’t believe me when I told you I was trying to let go, I was trying to test my limits. Each time I came back to your smile, I felt giddy knowing that all the darkest failed to tempt me now that I have you.
But you were Holmes investigating my crime. You deemed me as guilty over and over again. I’ve told you all my truths I’ve screamed out all my lies. I’ve been myself and I was all that I saw in you.
Today you left. And I could finally breathe. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, not when hurting you wasn’t my choice. I think my love looked dashing on you but I’m sure one day you’ll find a love that looks much much more magnificent.