No longer BLUE

the hours i spent 

in that coffee shop

smelling the tendrils of familiarity

immersing myself in the comfort of strangers’ conversations 

and feeling the warmth from the embrace of my oversized sweater. 

seem to sway the movement of the clock. 

i was looking at myself through the eyes of a little blue girl i knew a month ago.

i wonder how she could spent the whole day without worries. 

she stares out the window occasionally, smiling to herself 

she talks to herself softly while she does her readings 

she stays until the streetlights blur the raindrops trailing on the glass. 

does she know everyone in the room could hear her heartbeat?

how it beats to the rhythm of happiness.

it is assuring to know that she is no longer blue but basking in warm heated beauty


Chapter 1

January Overview

January overview.jpg

Look of the month: dark eyebags, glowy skin, rosy cheeks.

Song of the month: I do  Holley Maher

This month I have been:

*Getting regular 7-8 hours of sleep

*Realizing how soft I am and how I need to find a balance in between.

*Falling in love with spaghetti.

Quote to represent this month: “You can just tell when people lose that spark for you”

Total cries this month: 5

Stress Level: 12/10

Crush Status: “You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart.” – Franz Kafka

Favourite journal spread this month:


Okay… so I know I haven’t been posting for the whole entire month of January.. It has been dramatically busy for me  to juggle loads of homework at school, prepare for tests, apply for scholarships all due on the same day and worry about when I am getting my acceptance letters from universities.

But… I just received an admission letter yesterday from my dream school so now a lot of my stress has been lifted.

Apologies for only one post for January.


2016 loves

Woahokay, why is another year over… but anyways, Happy New Year my sweethearts! I am embarrassed at the on and off posting. My sleep schedule got all messed up and I was frantically trying to stay awake for my school life that I decided to take a breaks. Although, all my university applications are in, I still have to keep up my grades as well as write all those scholarships essays. I planned great things for this new year though, but well… let’s see how I do aha. Here is a master list on all the things I loved in 2016. Perhaps, some of these things can be your 2017 loves. Enjoy!

Goodbye 2016.jpg

1. This super cute video… you can’t help but smile. Watch it.
2. Book: “Unwind” by Neal Shustman <I read this book after seeing a fan-made short film. I don’t recommend the whole series though, just the first book. I thought it dragged on for too long. >
3.  Movies: “Breakfast at Tiffanys” and “Roman Holidays”. Rewatched these two lovely films starring Audrey Hepburn.
4. Music: Aquilo <The British duo has voices that makes me swoon. I adore everyone of their songs>
5. Book: “One Past Midnight” by Jessica Shirvington <This book made me cry>
6. Podcast: The Skinny Confidential: Him & Her podcast. <Before TSC had a podcast, I was already a fan. But the podcast reeled me in even more; Lauryn and Michael has a way of including the audience in their conversation. They are authentic and fun to listen to. I am excited about Tuesdays because of them.>
7. Feeling: Suffering with a nice soundtrack. <Ya feel me?>
8.The Studyblr Community. <I am immensely grateful for them. They inspired me to love subjects I hate in school. Who knew studying could be fun?>
9.Feeling: When you go in for a hug and the person is extremely hug-able so you don’t let go and sink into them… and they let you because they know you are craving some physical touch.
10. Music:
* “I can’t make you love me” -Bon Iver
* “Little Lover” – Broadhurst
* “Heartbreak”- MDWS
* “Sweetheart, What have you done to us” – Keaton Henson
* “Nothing Hurts Like this”- SLO
* “Is it Love” – 3LAU
* “Gemini Feed” – BANKS

The ocean and the shore

The Ocean kissed the shore softly, again and again. The Shore blushed under the setting sun and lightly pushed the ocean away. She didn’t know if she wanted this. It felt right but was it worth it? The ocean refused to stop coming back no matter how many times he was sent away. and the shore was thankful for this time to let her figure out her feelings.

The shore slowly fell in love. Bit by bit she started to see the way the ocean glistens under the sun, the way he carries the fresh salted air and the way he caresses her like she was glass. she enjoyed every moment with him even the little ones that probably meant nothing.

Then one day, the storm between them died down and another one started up on the shore. the ocean started keeping distance. he saw what a mess she is. said he didn’t see her beauty anymore. said it had been a waste of time.

The shore became guarded. “I don’t need him anyways” She found herself saying But, days gone by and he was still her first thought when she wakes and at 3am it was him that she sings about. They both build up rock walls wishing the other would break it down first…

Everyone only admired the ocean when the sun is out, once darkness settles, Sharp breeze kicks in and the sharks party. No one wants to swim among the waves. The shore hoped she had never made the ocean feel like that. like he was only brilliant in the light. like his darkness isn’t worth the time exploring. because, she still stares him in awe.


My heart, she is just so tired

My heart ,she is just so tired. She wants to take a rest from everything. Take a rest from the fights and the arguments. Because it seems like nothing will ever be good unless she gets out of here. She wants to love but she never seems to have time for the love they are looking for. She’s been called selfish, cold-hearted and emotionless. Things she isn’t. Isn’t isn’t isn’t. She hates it. She makes it up by giving; giving pieces of her away until she is something that makes you want to say “sorry”. She wants to scream, wants to yell but what she really wants is to stop having feelings altogether.

Rose Girl


Whenever I get mad, I pretend that I am a goddess. I imagine this ethereal glow emanating from me and remind myself that as soon as I raise my voice, spit out cruel words or lash out, I would have to spend days regretting. Every bitterness that comes out of me makes another flower wilt.  

The world around you can be so cruel. But you must stay soft.

So, with curled lashes, flushed cheeks and loose hair, I will live with the kind of velvety elegance that even roses would be jealous of.